Sleep Anxiety: Why Trying to Force Sleep Makes It Worse

 

Sleep anxiety is, at its core, a fear of not sleeping. It’s the belief that if we don’t get enough sleep, something terrible will happen—our anxiety will spiral, we’ll feel awful the next day, we won’t be able to function. This fear drives people to desperately try and control sleep, using techniques like pillow mists, deep breathing exercises, or rigid sleep routines. But here’s the paradox: the more you try to force sleep, the harder it becomes.

 

Most people with sleep anxiety don’t realize that they’re treating sleep as an avoidance strategy. They see it as the ultimate fix for their anxiety—“If I sleep well, I’ll feel less anxious tomorrow.” But this reinforces the idea that anxiety is something to be feared and avoided. The brain learns that being anxious is a threat, and sleep becomes another way to escape that feeling. Ironically, this makes anxiety worse in the long run. Research supports this—attempting to control sleep too much increases sleep-related anxiety and insomnia, making relaxation feel forced rather than natural (Harvey, 2002).

 

The Two Types of Sleep Anxiety

 

People with sleep anxiety tend to fall into two categories:

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1. The Ruminators – Those who lie awake worrying about external problems in their life, replaying conversations, deadlines, or uncertainties.

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2. The Sleep Fixators – Those who fixate on sleep itself, obsessing over whether they’ll get enough, constantly checking the time, and catastrophizing about how bad the next day will be.

 

Both rely on rumination—excessive mental engagement when the brain should be winding down. A key behavior among sleep fixators is clock-watching, obsessively checking whether they’ve fallen asleep yet, and getting frustrated when they haven’t. This creates a vicious cycle: the frustration triggers more stress, which keeps them awake longer. And yet, this anxiety is terrible at predicting the next day. Many people assume a bad night’s sleep will ruin them, yet often, they function just fine.

 

Forget About the Number of Hours

 

A common belief is that getting the “perfect” amount of sleep guarantees better mental health and cognitive function. While adequate sleep is beneficial, research suggests that sleep deprivation isn’t always as catastrophic as people fear. A large-scale study by Althoff et al. (2017) analyzed over 3 million nights of sleep and 75 million cognitive performance tasks and found that while sleep duration influences performance, the brain often compensates for short-term sleep loss in real-world settings. Similarly, a meta-analysis by Lim and Dinges (2010) found that while cognitive function can decline with sleep deprivation, certain abilities remain resilient, proving that one bad night isn't detrimental.

 

Interestingly, some of the best days of people’s lives happen after little to no sleep. Think of times you’ve stayed up talking with friends, traveled overnight, or pulled an all-nighter and still had a great experience. The key takeaway? Your body and brain are adaptable. Sleep is important, but treating it as a fragile necessity only fuels sleep anxiety.

 

Dropping the Resistance to Sleep Anxiety

 

If you fear not sleeping, the best approach isn’t to try harder—it’s to drop the resistance. If you resist the fear of not sleeping, your brain learns that not sleeping is dangerous. But if you do the opposite and show your brain that you’re okay with it, the fear loses its power. This is where exposure therapy comes in.

 

I’ve worked with clients (and used this myself) where we intentionally stay up all night—but without screens or distractions. The goal isn’t to force tiredness but to remove the pressure around sleep. When you stop trying, your nervous system naturally relaxes, and sleep comes when it’s ready.

 

Practical Advice for Sleep Anxiety

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• Don’t engage in highly stimulating tasks before bed – Keep your attention external. Audiobooks or light reading work well because they shift focus away from internal thoughts.

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• Don’t eat too late – Digestion can disrupt sleep cycles.

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• Forget about the number of hours – You don’t need a perfect eight hours to function. Research shows that the brain compensates for short-term sleep deprivation, and one bad night won’t ruin you (Althoff et al., 2017; Lim & Dinges, 2010).

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• Challenge your fear of not sleeping – Remind yourself that your body knows how to sleep when it needs to. Sleep isn’t something you have to “achieve”—it’s something that happens naturally when the pressure to sleep is removed.

 

Final Thoughts

 

The key to overcoming sleep anxiety is acceptance. Sleep will come when you stop treating it as the solution to your anxiety. A full night’s sleep is great, but it’s not a guaranteed fix for mental health, and missing out on it won’t ruin you. When you stop fearing the consequences of poor sleep, you take the pressure off, and paradoxically, sleep becomes easier.

 

If your sleep anxiety is rooted in unresolved worries, I highly recommend working through them—whether with a therapist or through solution-focused techniques during the day, not at 2 AM when your brain is exhausted. The world doesn’t fall apart if you don’t sleep well. And when you truly believe that, sleep will come naturally.

 

For a deeper dive into sleep anxiety, listen to our episode on the Disordered Podcast, where we break down the psychology behind sleep anxiety and how to break free from it. Listen here: Disordered Podcast - Sleep Anxiety Episode

 

References

• Harvey, A. G. (2002). A cognitive model of insomnia. Behaviour Research and Therapy, 40(8), 869-893.

• Lim, J., & Dinges, D. F. (2010). A meta-analysis of the impact of short-term sleep deprivation on cognitive variables. Psychological Bulletin, 136(3), 375–389. Link

• Althoff, T., Horvitz, E., White, R. W., & Zeitzer, J. (2017). Harnessing the web for population-scale physiological sensing: A case study of sleep and performance. Proceedings of the 26th International Conference on World Wide Web, 113–122. Link